KABEL's BITS

Jones Radio Networks Hot AC daypart personality Alan Kabel is always a compelling listen. He passes along these thought-starters..

* For New Years countdown the top biggest fools of 2004. There's so many. Kobe, Martha Stewart, Peterson, Ashley Simpson, Janet Jackson. You could do this for a whole show.

* What do you say to your kids every night when they go to bed? I say I love you more then anything else in the world, up to the clouds and so much it hurts.

* To much of a good thing. You make women shop for as long as they can in a way that keeps them going in a marathon. The one who keeps going the longest would win an actual shopping spree. You could do this for a entire week with different challenges.

* I got an e-mail from a guy whose lady said that he had asked her size because he wanted to buy her a thing from Victorias Secret for Xmas. She said she told him that you don't buy underwear for a women on holidays or birthdays because it's really a present for the guy. I asked the women. Great calls on both sides from men and women.

* A lot of guys call me and say "Who do you think you are?" They're mad at me. Maybe their lady likes the voice. They say, "Who do you think you are?" I'll tell you who I think I am. I'm the guy who doesn't know how to do anything and has been fired 7 times thinking about what it must like to be you. I gotta know what it's like to be you. Tell me about your life? If you have a great life call me and tell me why?

* The wrong name. My lady's sister was here all week with her new boyfriend. She was with her last for about 4 years. Then entire week my lady must have called him the other guy's name, the old boyfriend's name about 50 times. I think he wanted to kill her. Ha Ha.

* I feel when I speak I'm really talking down to myself. You now the supermarkets have these organic sections of everything. Meat, produce. The organic stuff is lots more so what are you eating inorganic stuff, what is it? Are other people watching you thinking he has the chance to buy the non poison stuff, he has the money. What a jerk buying the chemically ridden poison that looks the same but has a different tag. The mat looks different though. The hormone fed stuff looks way better.

* Got the teacher on my show. Kids have to talk their teachers into being on your show for some prize. You get to talk to teachers and do bits with them.

* What don't you know? A listener calls with something that they don't know and then you get an expert to answer their question.

* Buying a car. Pick a city that is not yours. Tell your listeners that you are going to buy a car in another town by e-mail only. You will have a trade and need financing. You are just going to deal with people who are willing to do it via e-mail only up until closing the seal. Then just read the e-mails that go back and forth on the air. You'll have a blast doing this and it's amazing what you will find out. Have the listeners agree on the car they want you to buy. Here's a tip. Make it a minivan and negotiate for the Sienna and the Odyssey. That's what I'm doing right now and it's fascinating. The dealers will say okay on e-mail when I tell them what I need for my trade and what I will pay. Then when I finally must go I leave the car, meet them for 5 minutes and make an excuse why I have to go. I tell them to leave the key in the trunk and I'll pick up the car that night. This way they must talk to me via e-mail. It's great because you can think, they can't bully you and you can call their bluffs all from the comfort of your own home.