Georgetown University cultural linguistics prof Deborah Tannen has always provided great topics for talk on the difference languages being applied by men and women. Now, she takes on mothers and daughters too. Tannen identifies what's being unsaid. Mothers and daughters: Is any relationship as close or complex? She's on the interview circuit right now and if your listeners don't relate, I'm from Mars AND Venus..
It was Tannen who first showed us that men and women speak different languages. Mothers and daughters speak the same language–but still often misunderstand each other, as they struggle to find the right balance between closeness and independence. Both mothers and daughters want to be seen for who they are, but tend to see the other as falling short of who she should be. Each overestimates the other’s power and underestimates her own. Why do daughters complain that their mothers always criticize, while mothers feel hurt that their daughters shut them out? Why do mothers and daughters critique each other on the Big Three–hair, clothes, and weight–while longing for approval and understanding? And why do they scrutinize each other for reflections of themselves? Deborah Tannen answers these and many other questions as she explains why a remark that would be harmless coming from anyone else can cause an explosion when it comes from your mother or your daughter.
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