Thanks to Don Anthony for another terrific issue of "Mouth" and to "iconic Minneapolis radio deity,"
Dave Ryan of Clear Channel's KDWB, who weighs in on things that may no
longer work on the radio. Can you add to his list?
"A couple months ago, I wrote an article for
this fine publication about the things in radio that just don't really
ever change. We talked about how there's at least one male whore on
every air staff. (Usually the night guy) I mentioned how engineers
tend to be some of the oddest people in the building. And how there's
one person on every staff that you aren't quite sure exactly what they
do. These are constants in the radio business."
Later, at the urging of
a friend, Ryan decided to make a list of what he thought no longer works
on the radio:
- "Stunt boys: Years ago, everyone had a "Goat Boy" who
went out and got attacked by a police dog or went cliff-diving ... all
for giggles. We don't do that anymore, because I really think it
belongs to another era of radio. Today, listeners want to hear the star
of the show ride a bull, get hit by a stun gun or have a finger cut
off. Even the idea of saying, "Here's Xtreme Jamie out on the street,
ready to get dragged behind a car" makes me cringe a little. It was
incredibly fun radio back then, but just like Tom Green, it's time has
passed."
- "Endless Entertainment
reports: Yes, we still do entertainment news every day. But we don't
talk about everything under the sun ...We don't spend a lot of time on
the Kardashians. Why? Two reasons: One, everyone else in the market
is talking about that stuff. Someone once told me, "If all the
restaurants on your street are selling steak, sell chicken." Offer your
audience something different. "But Dave," you cry, "Our consultant
tells us we have to talk endlessly about 'Biggest Loser.'" I know that.
Cover it occasionally. But here's a question: "America's Got Talent"
is a huge show. Tell me how much time they spend every week discussing
the Kardashians or 'American Idol'? Of course it's none. Zero. Zip.
The show is interesting on it's own. But take the argument some
consultants make and apply it to "America's Got Talent" and by his
estimation, it should be getting slaughtered in the ratings for not
doing entertainment reports. Speaking of which, my second point is, make
your show interesting enough with characters, plots, storylines and
storytelling, that you don't need to rely on Hollywood gossip to fill up
your four hours."
- Double time checks: I put this in almost as a joke.
Years ago, a consultant listened to our show and his only feedback? Do
double time checks. Yep. "It's seven Oh five, five minutes past
seven." Today, I'm not even sure time checks are necessary. Everyone
has a cell phone in their hand or in their pocket. Turn it on and BOOM,
there's the time. I still do them, probably more out of habit than
anything else, but I'm not sure we need them. Same with weather
forecasts. They can't hurt really, but it's there on everyone's cell
phone.
- Music beds: I think this is one of those things radio came up
with 20 years ago and never really explained why they needed to exist. I
used to have a zillion carts (remember them?) with music beds on a big
giant rotating rack. Talk to callers? Use a music bed. Put a winner
on the air? Use another one. Be very quiet and listen right now. Is
there a music bed playing in the background of your life? When Oprah
talked to Paris Jackson, was there a cool hip-hop instrumental in the
background? Randy Lane told me one of the most compelling sounds on the
radio can be that second or two of silence while someone is thinking
and we're all wondering what they're going to say. A music bed can only
take away from that.
Tomorrow, in Pt. 4, he addresses 'Characters and Being Cool.'
