From Fruitbowl To One To One

Just search this blog for the name Jay Trachman and you'll discover what a huge influence on me (and many, many others!) Trachman was. It has now been two years since his peaceful death at home in the wee hours of the morning and I feel the need to keep his philsophies alive.

He started "Fruitbowl" (a mix of many different, but sweet treats) in 1974, later changing its name to “One To One” (which became his lifetime mantra) but it remained a constant weekly bit service which he provided for over 30 years from the mid 1970’s until he retired.

Here’s some vintage Trachman:

1. You've got to be speaking to someone specific.

Not a demographic, not an average - someone who is very real to you (even if it's a fantasy), and with whom you feel comfortable. Two reasons: first, the safety this Personal Listener affords you - to block out the masses and picture yourself with this one valued friend - allows you to display a spectrum of emotions you'd never reveal to a crowd of strangers. (More about this in a moment.) Second, when you truly believe you're talking to one person, everyone listening who seeks companionship from his/her radio will fantasize that this person is them.

The Personal Listener has a name, a family, a history, an occupation, a hair color and all the other attributes required so you can picture him or her in your mind when you open the mike. And their primary reason for being there is not the music or the information you offer; it's to spend time with you, because he or she enjoys your company. Not what you do - who you are.

2. You've got to be focusing on the person you're speaking to, rather than the words you're saying.

Otherwise one hears strange inflection patterns and often a hyped energy level that sounds phony. A programmer tells the young jock, "Be up and bright!" It's nice when you are, but it's not appropriate coming out of a soft ballad. When you say the station identifier - no one could possibly be that enthusiastic about something they say every five minutes for four hours. You can announce those words and say them authoritatively - but when you feign enthusiasm, you destroy any chance that the listener will relate to you as a person.

3. In order to be perceived as a friend, you must behave like one.

That means doing the things all human beings do. Among them: showing the spectrum of your emotions. Sometimes people are happy; sometimes they're sad. Sometimes they're angry and sometimes they're tender. You don't have any friends who don't show all these emotions - and more - to you, over a period of time. It's something people expect from one another. You can't achieve emotional intimacy - friendship - with your listener without doing it.

4. You have to prepare material for your show.

Most important, you need to be armed with Life Content when you walk in the studio. Life Content: brief bits about your life experiences and your responses to them. Anything which caused you strong feelings is worth talking about with your listener. Most jocks don't do show prep - especially after the morning show. I've heard every excuse in the book. But the bottom line is, they almost uniformly fail to entertain.

Most of the jocks I hear who don't prep rely on station slogans, positioners, promos and whatever other liner-card junk they can come up with. One of the hallmarks of the DJ who has nothing to say is that those crutch phrases get repeated way more than the programmer or consultant requires. These DJs train the listener to tune them out anytime they open the mike. Ultimately, a survey-taker comes along and asks people what they like least about the station, and they'll reply, "The DJs talk too much!" They don't talk too much - they don't say anything worth hearing!

Entertainment means: enabling another to experience his or her feelings in a safe environment. Make a person laugh, make them cry, make them shake their fists in anger - you have committed entertainment. Every bit you do should lead to an expression of emotion, calculated to make your listener feel something in response. This is exactly what the music you play does. You need to do it, too.

Being a radio performer isn't rocket science... But it does require some understanding and a good deal of work - both before air time and during. Or... you could settle for being an interchangeable jock who wonders why you can never make much more than minimum wage.

Trachman, each week for those three decades, wrote three different types of lines.

Topical (from the news)

I dreamed I won $340 million in the lottery, and they were offering me the choice of taking it in one lump sum, or twenty fill-ups...

We just captured al-Qaeda's "number two" man in Iraq? Great - but I can't help remembering, back when Saddam Hussein was in charge, al-Qaeda didn't *have* a "number two" man in Iraq...

Halloween is coming up on October 31st; know how to spot the kid in the "FEMA" costume? He doesn't show up at your door until November fourth!

I guess I shouldn't have ignored that item in the classified: "Wanted: Supreme Court Justice... No experience necessary..."

Sorry to hear about the recent passing of Don Adams... In his honor, we'll spend just a moment inside the "cone of silence..."

Just a thought: that "number two" guy in al-Qaeda must be getting tired of getting killed and arrested all the time...

You think *you've* got problems? New Orleans police say the flooding completely destroyed two police evidence rooms... Which means there could be up to 3000 suspects they have no choice but to beat confessions out of...

We were sitting in the coffee house complaining about the ridiculously inflated price of gasoline... Over a frozen mocha latte at $6, and a chai tea frappe at $5...

At the very moment the Kansas State Board of Education was debating how to sneak "intelligent design" into the schools, the U. of Kansas opened up a major public display explaining how evolution works; the department head says they didn't plan it that way - it's just pure coincidence... So supporters on *both* sides want you to believe in fairy tales...

Do you get the feeling Bush nominating Harriet Miers is a little like O.J. nominating Johnny Cochran?

Then, he also wrote personal comedy lines about himself, his life and his character:

I wouldn't say my back yard has gotten out of hand - but last week an alien landed in the tall grass and said, "Take me to your weeder!"

Scientists believe there are many intelligent species in the universe... All are owned by cats...

Personally, I always figure exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement...

Ever get the feeling that in a past life you were somebody named "Occupant?" And they're still forwarding your mail?

A tractor-trailer containing a shipment of file folders and Post-It notes was hijacked yesterday... Police think it was the work of organized criminals...

I'm going to have to start watching what I eat... Because I keep missing my mouth...

Handy household hint: if you can't find a screwdriver, use a knife! And if you break the tip off - well, now it's an even better screwdriver!

My wife and I found that planning your vacation is half the fun... So next year, we'll plan *two*, and then stay home - we'll have the same amount of fun, and it won't cost anything!

Thought for the day: life is just nature's way of keeping meat from spoiling...

Lastly, Trachman would write lines/turns of a phrase for songs on the playlist:


All-American Rejects - Dirty Little Secret: Just because it's a sin to believe evil about others... Doesn't mean it's a mistake...

Black Eyed Peas - My Humps: My daddy always said, "It doesn't matter whether you win or lose - until you lose..."

Brown - Run It: I never worry about my kid running with the wrong crowd; he'd have to get up off the couch, first...

Clapton - Say What You Will: I always say, "Change is good, but dollars are better!"

Cabrera - Shine On: Love is blind... And it's not terribly bright, either...

Coldplay - Fix You: I asked Cousin Sara how come she married a man ten years younger than she; she said, "I figured, if you can't find a good man, raise one!"

Collective Soul - How Do You Love: Ever get the feeling a lot of people wouldn't fall in love, if it were more clearly marked?

Crow - Good Is Good: My cousin says once she was with two men in a single night; the next day she could hardly walk... Imagine, having two full dinners!

DHT - Listen To Your Heart: Just remember, the great highway of life is littered with flattened rodents who couldn't make up their minds...

DeGraw - Follow Through: I always say, never start anything you don't intend to... uh, whatever...

Eagles - Cloudy Days: You have to take the bad with the good - but you're allowed to gripe about the proportions...

Fall Out Boy - Sugar, We're Goin' Down: Life has its ups & downs... I hope my skin clears up... And my weight goes down...

Goo Goo Dolls - Give A Little Bit: I find that women are more likely to get romantic if I give them my PIN number, rather than my phone number...

Gorillaz - Feel Good Inc.: Never miss an opportunity to make someone happy - even if you have to leave them alone, to do it...

Johnson - Dollar: If I had a dollar for every time the boss complimented me on my show, today I could buy - lunch!

Mayer - Daughters: I want my kids to have all the things I couldn't afford... Then I want to move in with them!

McGraw - My Old Friend: My wife ran into her old ex-boyfriend yesterday... But he got away before she could run into him again...

Powter - Bad Day: How come a fool & his money are never around when you need them?

Underwood - Inside Your Heaven: Cousin Sara told everyone she wanted to marry a ghost... I can't imagine what possessed her...

Vertical Horizon - Forever: Imagine how life would be if you had to renew your marriage license every few years...

I hope that, though several years out of date now, the specificity, quantity, brevity and variety of the material he wrote inspires you to work a little harder to keep Trachman's way of relating alive and present in your daily content as well.

My goal is not to have you go out of your way to then use these lines he has written, but I hope you’ll try this on for size - to get you started prepping what you’re going to say when there’s nothing else to say when a topic comes up, a song plays, or an aspect of his character arises in conversation.

It’s all about planned spontaneity, making listeners think you’re naturally funny. It takes forethought, writing and preparation. Replace all of the “typical DJ” words and phrases we all use with things “only YOU’ would say and in your own, unique manner.